Chips, Snowflakes, Bags and the Geometry of Identity

[ahunter3]

To refer to myself as "transgender" or "genderqueer" is a bit like referring to a tortilla chip as a "corn chip".

It isn't WRONG; a tortilla chip really is a corn chip, that's what it's made out of. The problem is that when you say "corn chip", people's minds immediately jump to Fritos, not Tostitos.



On the transgender and genderqueer groups and message boards, I so often feel like serious Special Snowflake Syndrome, constantly posting and reposting my identity, reminding people that "hey over here, don't forget about me & hypothetical others like me, I was a girl in a boy body, no dysphoria, not transitioning, don't need anything fixed except society's expectations that male bodied people are always boys".

When I identify as transgender, it isn't incorrect—I have a gender that is not the one I was assigned at birth—but the connotation for most people is that I therefore feel *trapped in a male body* or that I would wish to present as female and pass as female, and for more people than not, it will be assumed that I have transitioned, intend to transition, or wish that I could transition surgically to correct my body so that it matches my gender.

"Genderqueer" is a more variable term; it should make it easier to be one of a half-dozen specific flavors of genderqueer and I could feel less like a tortilla chip in a bag labeled "corn chips". But in practice I'm finding from my participation on the genderqueer groups that I've still got a corn chip problem. I'm very unusual in that community for considering myself to have a sex (or "physical identity" or "morphology" or "phenotype") and also a gender, the two not being one and the same.

Other genderqueer folks tend to be genderfluid (boy days and girl days) or bigender (does anyone else read that as "big ender" as if GenderLilliput 's other island would have "little enders" or something?) or agender, or are somewhere along a continuum-spectrum such as demiboy or demigirl. They are mostly nonbinary: they reject the oversimplified "two possible categories" system of male (or men) and female (or women). Well, I do, too, but in my understanding of myself I am using binary categories, I'm just applying them to two, not merely one, axis. I have a physical axis in which I am a malebodied person and I have a psychological-behavioral and personality axis in which I am a girl or woman or feminine persona. Heck, I don't even know if that makes me nonbinary or binary. Quaternary or Tetragonal, maybe?

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Comments

[musicman.livejournal.com]

"The problem is that when you say "corn chip", people's minds immediately jump to Fritos, not Tostitos."

I have to disagree. In our house, corn ships and tortilla chips are pretty much interchangeable, and we are not talking Fritos. Which are only referred to as Fritos. So, sorry, but tomtits are a favorite kind of corn chip.

But I digress...

[(Anonymous)]

Rebecca Jones Hey - how about you're just you, amazing and uniquely you. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Ileen Valenti Verble This is an awesome post. I also feel like it's society that needs to adjust, not people, and I think that people that identify as another gender without wishing to modify their outward appearance in any way are great.

[(Anonymous)]

Alison Doran This society assigns personality traits as either masculine or feminine arbitrarily. For instance, girls may, but don't necessarily like to play with Barbie dolls. Boys may, but not always like to play with Tonka trucks. Some boys might like Barbie dolls. Some girls might like Tonka trucks. This does not make them less masculine or less feminine, but in this society people would thinks so. A lot of people get gender confused just because they like something that is arbitrarily designated a trait of the other sex. Example: as a girl, I liked science, particularly astronomy. I was not interested in fashion or makeup. Other kids called me "queer". But I'm not any less of a woman just because I like astronomy and most of the people who study it are men. Nor am I less of a woman just because I don't often put gunk on my face.

[ahunter3.livejournal.com]

Allan Hunter ... in other words, I'm not a person seeking a place where I can be accepted. I'm an advocate with a social message to convey, an activist, seeking understanding. Hence, when I post about my Peculiar Sense of Identity, what I'm hoping for is less "don't worry we accept you, whatever you are" and more "oh! hmm, interesting, that's a new one to add to my overall sense of gender and sexual identities!", if that makes sense.

[(Anonymous)]

Susanna Bedser So this is what you're saying. I actually think that more transgender people would think this way if they were not always having to prove who they are. It is often easier to explain to people stuck in a binary world that trans people are stuck in the wrong body. Having said that however gender is a spectrum so not all transgender people have the same views on what their gender means and some truly feel trapped in the wrong body. I'm happy you feel so comfortable with yourself. Not many people (cis or trans) could say that.

[(Anonymous)]

Michelle Levy Well, when you join a group with 1,700+ members, you are going to find that not all people are going to have the exact reaction you are looking for. I'm always happy to learn new things, or hear another take on something I've heard before, and I applaud advocates and activists. I found the article you posted to be really interesting and informative. Thanks.

[(Anonymous)]

Andrea Mitchell Or maybe it just makes you you, no labels.
My daughter has no dysphoria either. She's actually quite proud of her body. My helpful attempt at buying her masking panties was met with horror at why anyone would want to "squish their wiener?!" She's never said anything remotely close to being trapped in the wrong body, she is simply a girl with a penis.
There should be more activists like you, because I thought dysphoria was so much a part of being trans that I thought she was in a phase way longer than I should have. I thought no dysphoria meant it wasn't a serious or real identity. I know now that I'm wrong, but it'd be nice if people knew that dysphoria, while common, is not always present.

[(Anonymous)]

Mara Noelle Fojas Thank you. Keep speaking up. You never know who has been silently watching 'the majority', feeling they don't quite fit in or are misunderstood, and see your story and say, yes! Finally. I am not alone.

[(Anonymous)]

Hilário de Sousa I am not very active here, but my guess is that you have already educated many people here. It is just that people in general are not good at admitting their naivity. Many people here are probably silently grateful for what you have said. There seems to be many people who are supporting you overtly. (Perhaps there are also some people who are silently disagreeing with you.)

[(Anonymous)]

Hilário de Sousa I support you, but your '... in other words, [...] if that make sense' statement comes across as discounting people who have learnt things from you and remained silence, and people who said nice things to you. I am not sure whether this is the effect that you want.

In addition, people who said "don't worry we accept you, whatever you are", are probably not just saying that to only you. There are others who are in situation similar to yours who need reassurance. Perhaps some people who said "don't worry we accept you, whatever you are" are themselves in exactly the same situation as yours, and need acceptance themselves.

[(Anonymous)]

Faith Harper Thank you for posting this, I relate to it quite a bit! Do you mind if I repost it on my page for my students and clients?

[ahunter3.livejournal.com]

Allan Hunter Faith Harper, I would be honored! (because I'm a self-immersed kind of person, I'd be happy if you'd give me the link when it's up, if it isn't private; I like to read responses and stuff. If it is private though, go ahead anyhow)

[(Anonymous)]

Faith Harper Sure, I just posted the link on The Intimacy Dr Facebook page!