The Coarseness of Our Accommodations
Nov. 7th, 2022 05:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ahunter3Here's what happens: we come together because of what we have in common, the ways we're regarded as Different, the ways we're badly treated, the ways we don't get included and the ways in which we have to live in a world not designed around people like us.
And out of that comes a narrative, a story that we tell the rest of the world to explain who we are. But the narrative always oversimplifies. It leaves out some of us, those whose experiences and identities are a bit unusual even among the misfits we've connected with.
Let's pretend for a moment that we could see identities and experiences as if they were visible shapes. The constellation of all the people with gender identity, sexual orientation, and sexual morphology variations making us exceptions to the rule, might look like this, let's say:
But the description of us that the LGBTQIA+ community asks people to embrace and become more tolerant of and supportive of ends up looking more like this:
Some individual stories are out there, accessible, but the ones most likely to get promoted and retold as representative of "us" are the ones that fit into the big general boxes, where a small handful of identities are represented to the world as "what it's like to be one of us".
Just for the sake of illustration and discussion, let's say that the big red box at the top is labeled "gay and lesbian", and it contains a bunch of widely publicized notions about how gay men and lesbian women are different from hetero people. As you can see from the smaller red figures that the big red box encloses, this description does directly include and accurately describe a lot of actual real-life gay and lesbian people. So the things that the world is told about what they feel, what they believe, what's important to them, what it's like to be them, those fit a lot of people and makes them feel recognized and supported and promoted. But you'll notice some smaller squares in that vicinity that are partway or entirely outside of the description. In one way or another, those people's felt experiences or their viewpoint or understanding of what it means to be gay, etc, aren't being included in the overall LGBTQIA+ rainbow message to the world about what it means to be gay or lesbian.
We can make the big red box at the bottom the transgender box, a similar set of generalized descriptions and narratives that stands in for the real-life people, and again it speaks truthfully and accurately for many but is a bit of a misrepresentation for some of the others.
And the smallest of the "large" boxes can be the public face of being intersex, although this diagram probably makes their voice in our society look larger in proportion than it really is. Once again, it gets some of the individuals pretty accurately but misses the boat for others.
I want to address the entire LGBTQIA+ community about what it feels like to be one of those smaller points that doesn't fit the big public description of us very closely. Trans people whose actual experience and attitudes don't correspond to the public presentation of what being trans is all about -- including some who prefer not to be called "transgender" for precisely that reason. And bixesual and pansexual and orientation-fluid people who don't feel very well-defined by the generally publicized notion of what it is to be lesbian or gay. And all the rest.
How it feels, a good portion of the time, is that we aren't truly included. That the loud voices of LGBTQIA+ social activism aren't talking about us. That We're once again being left out, the same way the mainstream world was leaving all of out of consideration.
Then, to add additional insult to the injuries, when we try to speak up and dissent just a little bit from the one-size-fits-all messaging that's being promoted all over the internet and airwaves, we're often corrected. Oh no, what you just said is wrong, because it contradicts the party line we're trying to establish. So get with the program, don't be saying Wrong Things like that. Yeah, how do you think that feels?
—————
My first book, GenderQueer: A Story From a Different Closet, is published by Sunstone Press. It is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble in paperback, hardback, and ebook, and as ebook only from Apple, Kobo, and directly from Sunstone Press themselves.
My second book, That Guy in Our Women's Studies Class, has also now been published by Sunstone Press. It's a sequel to GenderQueer. It is available on Amazon and on Barnes & Noble in paperback and ebook, and as ebook only from Apple, Kobo, and directly from Sunstone Press themselves. Hardback versions to follow, stay tuned for details.
My third book is in post-first-draft corrections and is being circulated to beta readers for feedback. Provisionally title Within the Box. Contact me if you're interested.
Links to published reviews and comments are listed on my Home Page, for both published books.
———————
This DreamWidth blog is echoed on LiveJournal and WordPress. Please friend/link me from any of those environments on which you have an account.
————————
Index of all Blog Posts
And out of that comes a narrative, a story that we tell the rest of the world to explain who we are. But the narrative always oversimplifies. It leaves out some of us, those whose experiences and identities are a bit unusual even among the misfits we've connected with.
Let's pretend for a moment that we could see identities and experiences as if they were visible shapes. The constellation of all the people with gender identity, sexual orientation, and sexual morphology variations making us exceptions to the rule, might look like this, let's say:
But the description of us that the LGBTQIA+ community asks people to embrace and become more tolerant of and supportive of ends up looking more like this:
Some individual stories are out there, accessible, but the ones most likely to get promoted and retold as representative of "us" are the ones that fit into the big general boxes, where a small handful of identities are represented to the world as "what it's like to be one of us".
Just for the sake of illustration and discussion, let's say that the big red box at the top is labeled "gay and lesbian", and it contains a bunch of widely publicized notions about how gay men and lesbian women are different from hetero people. As you can see from the smaller red figures that the big red box encloses, this description does directly include and accurately describe a lot of actual real-life gay and lesbian people. So the things that the world is told about what they feel, what they believe, what's important to them, what it's like to be them, those fit a lot of people and makes them feel recognized and supported and promoted. But you'll notice some smaller squares in that vicinity that are partway or entirely outside of the description. In one way or another, those people's felt experiences or their viewpoint or understanding of what it means to be gay, etc, aren't being included in the overall LGBTQIA+ rainbow message to the world about what it means to be gay or lesbian.
We can make the big red box at the bottom the transgender box, a similar set of generalized descriptions and narratives that stands in for the real-life people, and again it speaks truthfully and accurately for many but is a bit of a misrepresentation for some of the others.
And the smallest of the "large" boxes can be the public face of being intersex, although this diagram probably makes their voice in our society look larger in proportion than it really is. Once again, it gets some of the individuals pretty accurately but misses the boat for others.
I want to address the entire LGBTQIA+ community about what it feels like to be one of those smaller points that doesn't fit the big public description of us very closely. Trans people whose actual experience and attitudes don't correspond to the public presentation of what being trans is all about -- including some who prefer not to be called "transgender" for precisely that reason. And bixesual and pansexual and orientation-fluid people who don't feel very well-defined by the generally publicized notion of what it is to be lesbian or gay. And all the rest.
How it feels, a good portion of the time, is that we aren't truly included. That the loud voices of LGBTQIA+ social activism aren't talking about us. That We're once again being left out, the same way the mainstream world was leaving all of out of consideration.
Then, to add additional insult to the injuries, when we try to speak up and dissent just a little bit from the one-size-fits-all messaging that's being promoted all over the internet and airwaves, we're often corrected. Oh no, what you just said is wrong, because it contradicts the party line we're trying to establish. So get with the program, don't be saying Wrong Things like that. Yeah, how do you think that feels?
—————
My first book, GenderQueer: A Story From a Different Closet, is published by Sunstone Press. It is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble in paperback, hardback, and ebook, and as ebook only from Apple, Kobo, and directly from Sunstone Press themselves.
My second book, That Guy in Our Women's Studies Class, has also now been published by Sunstone Press. It's a sequel to GenderQueer. It is available on Amazon and on Barnes & Noble in paperback and ebook, and as ebook only from Apple, Kobo, and directly from Sunstone Press themselves. Hardback versions to follow, stay tuned for details.
My third book is in post-first-draft corrections and is being circulated to beta readers for feedback. Provisionally title Within the Box. Contact me if you're interested.
Links to published reviews and comments are listed on my Home Page, for both published books.
———————
This DreamWidth blog is echoed on LiveJournal and WordPress. Please friend/link me from any of those environments on which you have an account.
————————
Index of all Blog Posts
