Shorthand oversimplifications are highly useful for everyday casual interaction with people. It has (for instance) been useful to me to be perceived as "a hippie" -- shorthand for a double handful of ideas and ideologies and attitudes, not all of which apply, but as a prepackaged set that folks in general are widely familiar with, it's close enough for everyday use. I'd very much like one that handles my gender identity and sexual orientation. For the few intimately close people in my life, I'd still prefer to explain myself in detail as a complicated individual, sure, but it's seriously exhausting to have to explain all that mess to random individuals (most of whom don't care, just as I don't feel up to the task with them). And people DO want to pigeonhole you, so that they know how to treat you, how to react to you. Their desire to do so feels like a nagging harassing insistent tug on the pantsleg from an implacable chihuahua: disruptively annoying!
Second question answer:
For a fairly long time there was a balance within me between the anger and the worry that actually there was something wrong with ME, something that was causing folks' behavior towards me, and I didn't know which was the more accurate understanding. That was reconciled by my having the (rather sudden) insight into what it was all about (hence the book, and all the communication-effort that went into it), and that clarity meant not blaming people as culprits for my experiences; instead the anger got aimed at something a bit more abstract. If violent revenge worked against a social system, I'd probably have attempted it, but it doesn't.
Third question answer:
I think on balance thigns are far better in a networked world. For every 100 additional opportunities for strangers to mock or harass at a distance, there's an opportunity to find a kindred spirit, and the latter is far more precious than the former is daunting, if you see what I mean.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2014-07-09 03:06 am (UTC)Shorthand oversimplifications are highly useful for everyday casual interaction with people. It has (for instance) been useful to me to be perceived as "a hippie" -- shorthand for a double handful of ideas and ideologies and attitudes, not all of which apply, but as a prepackaged set that folks in general are widely familiar with, it's close enough for everyday use. I'd very much like one that handles my gender identity and sexual orientation. For the few intimately close people in my life, I'd still prefer to explain myself in detail as a complicated individual, sure, but it's seriously exhausting to have to explain all that mess to random individuals (most of whom don't care, just as I don't feel up to the task with them). And people DO want to pigeonhole you, so that they know how to treat you, how to react to you. Their desire to do so feels like a nagging harassing insistent tug on the pantsleg from an implacable chihuahua: disruptively annoying!
Second question answer:
For a fairly long time there was a balance within me between the anger and the worry that actually there was something wrong with ME, something that was causing folks' behavior towards me, and I didn't know which was the more accurate understanding. That was reconciled by my having the (rather sudden) insight into what it was all about (hence the book, and all the communication-effort that went into it), and that clarity meant not blaming people as culprits for my experiences; instead the anger got aimed at something a bit more abstract. If violent revenge worked against a social system, I'd probably have attempted it, but it doesn't.
Third question answer:
I think on balance thigns are far better in a networked world. For every 100 additional opportunities for strangers to mock or harass at a distance, there's an opportunity to find a kindred spirit, and the latter is far more precious than the former is daunting, if you see what I mean.